“Feel Alive” (and bored to death) should be the tagline for Mazda’s 2019 TV campaign. For an ad that promises you’ll find inspiration there’s nothing less inspiring than the pretentious, deadwood of a script for the 2019 Mazda CX-5 TV commercial.

The 30-second ad begins with a couple of city folk hustling to their vehicle in the middle of a downpour. Rather than behaving like normal human beings who’ve just escaped a deluge, they casually settle in for a ride that will take them straight to nirvana, or wherever it is that lame ideas go to snuggle. Naturally, once inside and driving away the clouds part and the sun beams brightly while a soundtrack as drippy as the downpour they left behind signals they have fallen in love like never before. Not with each other, mind you. And probably not with the compact sport utility they are driving. But rather with their magical talents that can not only shape the clouds but also assist the sun to rise because, according to this ad, it can no longer manage to do it alone without the assistance of the CX-5 driver.

As far as any notable features that might help sell the CX-5 itself, evidently it has brakes. You can tell because when it approaches a stop sign it comes to a halt, as if that’s some remarkable feat. Why even my old Toyota Celica would come to a stop even when the brake pads were worn out like an old man’s underwear. (Downshifting didn’t hurt either.) I get that this is trying to sell a lifestyle. Young, hip, indie, overly serious to an extreme that would make me want to kill myself. That’s all fine. But whatever that lifestyle is I feel sorry for those who are pursuing it because it’s incredibly boring.